047: Letting Go

In this Episode

Photo by gnuckx [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

00:35 Letting GoThis episode is different from all the others because I need to pause production on the podcast for now. In this 16 minute episode, I begin by talking about the purpose of the “I Can’t Stop Spending!” podcast and how I got sober with money.

And I end today’s show with the remarkable poem I stumbled upon yesterday that was the catalyst for today’s episode.

04:20 How this Podcast Came to Be
I explain how a 40 year dream evolved into this podcast thanks to Cliff Ravenscraft!.

06:31 Why I Need to Pause Production on This Podcast
In this section, I discuss the practical reasons for the pause and talk about where I am thinking of going with my work. I also talk about integrity around anonymity and recovery work (DA’s Tradition 11), the slippery slope of monetizing service work, and overdoing service work to the point that it is a symptom of underearning.

10:20 Hundreds of Articles are Available on Recovery from Compulsive Spending at My Blog
In the meantime, my blog – Getting Out from Going Under – has hundreds of posts giving you practical instructions around all manner of topics, from spending plans to relationships to working the steps, and more, plus many other posts dealing with recovery from compulsive spending. I plan to continue writing posts for the blog. And I’ve got an idea that’s been rolling around in my mind for another book to help compulsive spenders. Plus, I’m writing on Medium.com (@moneysober) about more general topics.

11:53 Inspiration from Reverend Safire Rose
Instead of reading from the Getting Out from Going Under Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders, I’m going to end today’s episode by reading the astonishingly poignant and powerful poem I read yesterday that released me from my torment around letting go of the podcast for now. It’s called, “She Let Go” by Agape Minister, Rev. Safire Rose.
And here is my reading of the poem:

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041: Being a Militant Realist and Inspirational Reading 1/21 “Willingness”

In this Episode

Click here to read the “Getting Out from Going Under” blog post for this episode.


00:49 Being a Militant Realist
Today, I talk about where the rubber meets the road in recovery from compulsive spending. I explain the Debtors Anonymous concept of pressure relief meetings (PRM). And why it’s vital that anyone wishing to help a compulsive spender needs to be a militant realist.

11:14 Here’s What Happened to Me
I talk about my own experience being told a hard truth I didn’t want to hear … and how it all turned out. Plus, I finish by telling you how you can become your own militant realist.

17:59 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: January 21st: “Willingness”

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038: Paradoxical Reactions, Preparing for Next Year, & Inspirational Reading 12/25 “Benevolence”

Read the post for this podcast on our sister site: Getting Out from Going Under

In this Episode


1:03 Paradoxical Reactions
I talk about my experience with medication where I have the opposite reaction from what is intended, and explain why that is similar to how many of us react around the holiday. Then, I give a couple of suggestions about how to move past the possibly negative emotions we experience during this time of year.

08:57 Preparing for Next Year
I talk about how you can move out of the negative emotions that surround the holidays by preparing for next year. I give you a two-step process to follow. The first part is looking at your accomplishments from the year just past and setting some goals for the upcoming year.

But I give very specific instructions on the types of goals it’s best to set and why certain goals will just set you up for failure. Plus, I talk to you about the process of using a “God box” (make your own and call it whatever you’d like – “Higher Power box,” “HP box,” “Sacred box,” “Fred’s box,” you get the idea).

At time stamp 13:20, I talk specifically about what types of goals to set if you are a compulsive spender still in the throes of your addiction.

After listening, I’d love to hear about your accomplishments and goals. Just leave them in the Comments section of this episode (below)!

17:08 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: December 25th: “Benevolence”

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037: A Perfect Day for Recovery & Inspirational Reading 12/24 “Breaking the Cycle”

In this Episode


00:50 It’s a Perfect Day for Recovery
You don’t have to wait until January 1st to begin your recovery from compulsive spending! I tell you why today (a week before Christmas and Hanukkah) is the absolutely perfect day to begin!

Read the post for this podcast on our sister site: Getting Out from Going Under

08:29 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: December 24th: “Breaking the Cycle”

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Post: A Perfect Day for Recovery


Click here to listen to the podcast for this post.

As I write this, it’s a little over a week before Christmas and Hanukkah. And it came to me that it’s the perfect day to begin a recovery program or to re-commit to recovery around compulsive spending. What better time to let your addiction know that you mean business then to affirm your commitment in the midst of the frenzied spending around the holidays.

In fact, if you suffer from any addiction, now is the time to get the help you need to become and stay sober or abstinent or clean or solvent or authentic or whatever describes your addiction. This is the season of excess, whether it’s food, money, sex, alcohol, people-pleasing, anxiety, sadness, anger, or whatever else you are powerless over.

I’ll tell you why this came up for me today. I attend a Debtors Anonymous (DA) meeting where we read and share on DA pamphlets. This week, while working through the Recovery from Compulsive Spending pamphlet, we read and discussed “suggestions that have helped many D.A. members recover from the pain of compulsive spending.” (from the pamphlet)

It was when we read this bullet point that I had my epiphany! “Attend D.A. meetings regularly for group support to counteract advertising and other societal pressures to spend and debt.”

Now, I’ve long heard people in various programs talk about the importance of attending meetings so we can give back what we’ve so generously been given, and how newcomers need meetings to really understand how 12 Step programs work and to develop a network of support.

But I’d never thought about meetings as a tool and a defense against the consumer marketing monster and societal messages urging us to spend money. And when is there more pressure on people for such a sustained period to buy, buy, buy as the lead up to Christmas, Hanukkah, and other December holidays? So when would there be a better time to get support than when the clock is ticking down to frenzied gift buying during this holiday season? You can make a commitment to recovery from compulsive spending to keep you sober with money now, today, not next week or next year.

Sure, there are other holidays where we feel pressured to buy. Never mind the other days that give us an opportunity to practice love, consideration, and giving of ourselves. I’m thinking of all those stupid Hallmark holidays that insist that the only way to show your mother or father you love them is to buy them an extravagant gift you probably can’t afford, which must be given to them on a particular Sunday in May or June in order to count.

Then there’s the message that you’d better give a big fat piece of jewelry to someone on a random day in February along with chocolate and flowers or someone will be hurt and believe you don’t love him or her. (don’t get me started about Valentine’s Day and where that holiday came from! Here is a link to an article I wrote about that.)

And, of course, there’s the Friday after Thanksgiving. But I’ve already covered why that’s the day for amateur spenders in this article, so you don’t need to bother even revving up your engines.

But the month of December is the granddaddy of spectacular spending pressure … because it starts in November! And there are so many gifts we think we need to buy. For compulsive spenders, once we make that first out of control or “I have to or they’ll be upset” purchase, we don’t know where it will end. But it’s usually not a happy ending. So why not stop it now?

You don’t have to wait until January 1st to make the decision and commitment to recover from compulsive spending. You can start today. Yes, you can.

Now, I’m about to say something shocking.

Are you ready?

You could cut up all your credit cards and cancel all the accounts today (or even just one account).

Oh no, I just heard a collective gasp from you all.

OK, breathe.

I realize you are probably going to need help to accomplish that step. I’m just saying you could do it in theory. Listen, I’m not suggesting you run a marathon today, but you can start by taking a walk around the block today. You can start by asking for help with your addiction.

You can get support to help you have a sober holiday season this year. There’s nothing magical about January 1st. People in recovery don’t make a list of resolutions once a year because we recommit to our recovery every day.

In fact, if you begin now, you can start to work on your spending plan for next year, so that you won’t be scrambling around holiday spending next December.

That’s why I say that there’s no better day for recovery than today. Stand up to your disease and you can have an army of support behind you.

Remember, there is no need to hit a bottom any lower than the one you’ve already hit. You can choose today to be Day One of recovery. There are many who have been just where you are who are waiting and wanting to help you. You may not know it yet, but there’s also an arsenal of tools available to support you.

If you are suffering from feeling beaten down by your compulsive spending, and know that you are just winding up to create more out of control debt during this holiday season, why not give 12 Step recovery a try? Both Debtors Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous have many phone meetings, which are incredibly convenient, as well as lots of live meetings.

Yes, I know that there is not just one road to recovery. But this is a road I have personally walked and I paid off over $34,000 of debt in seven years and I am still living within my means today (just one day at a time). And, just so you know, I only attend phone meetings. Plus, 12 Step Fellowships are 100% free for members.

All the help you need is just waiting for you to walk through the door or pick up the phone. It is offered freely and given to you with love. And it is available today and every day you want it, one day at a time.

032: Tips to Keep Your Computer Safe From Ads & Inspirational Reading 11/15 “A Prayer for Hope”

In this Episode

everywhereilookonline-400:00 Tips to Keep Your Computer Safe from Ads
It’s a war. Let’s face it. We compulsive spenders are so vulnerable to visual triggers. Seeing ads for items I’ve browsed or similar items to ones I’ve bought is a cruel trick. But there are some options for minimizing the damaging ads. See the Resources below for a few ideas.

09:39 Danger Zones Around Food & Restaurants
Someone posted their recovery guidelines in our Compulsive Spending Community, and I share some of his/her important danger zones regarding restaurants and food preparation as well as health replacement behaviors.

13:47 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: November 10th: “Clutter”

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027: Tips to Prevent Compulsive Spending Part 1 & Inspirational Reading 10/9: “The Best”

In this Episode

01:00 Tips to Prevent Compulsive Spending Part 1
First in a series of podcast episodes giving you some tips to help prevent compulsive spending.

10:54 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: October 9th: “The Best”


Music Attribution

“Life of Riley” (Intro and Outro), “Carpe Diem,” and “Fretless” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


How I can help you with your spending plan
I can help you overcome the fear of looking at your numbers, create the foundation for your spending plan, and provide one-on-one technical help to teach you how to use your spending plan software. Click the link above to read more.


I’d love to hear your thoughts about this podcast. Please share your comments, questions, and suggestions. You can leave a voice message if you have a microphone (see the link on the right side of each page and on the Contact page), email me from the Contact page, or leave a comment.

026: Interview with Katie Bossler from GreenPath & Inspiration 10/6: “Magical Thinking”

In this Episode

00:00 Our Anniversary & a Plug for Our New Community
Just a short celebration of our six month anniversary and our 26th podcast episode! Wow! It’s gone by so quickly. And a quick plug for our new compulsive spending community! Please come join us.

02:09 Introduction to the Interview

greenpathimage04:33 Interview with Katie Bossler from GreenPath Financial Wellness
Katie Bossler is a Personal Finance Counselor at GreenPath Financial Wellness.

I wanted to interview someone from this company, in particular, because they are a company I trust. I know three people who were helped by GreenPath and got out of debt. In addition, I, myself, had two sessions with them, but by that point, I had already gotten the best deal I could on my own, so they weren’t able to do anything more. However, I was very impressed with them.

But this is NOT just an interview. It’s really a 40 minute seminar that will give you an exceptionally detailed understanding about the different ways debt can be paid off. I learned a lot from this interview – in particular, the difference between a debt management, debt consolidation, and debt settlement program.

Plus, GreenPath has many other services to help compulsive spenders who may not have debt, and Katie explains those services as well (such as mortgage concerns, improving credit score, home buyer counseling, reverse mortgage counseling).

GreenPath is a non-profit organization. Here is the Consumer Affairs website where they have an overall five star satisfaction rating.

39:51 Inspiration from the Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: October 6th: “Magical Thinking”

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024: Now I’ve Heard Everything – iBag2 & Reading: 9/21 “Rewards”

In this Episode

Finder.com iBag2 - Horrifying, isn't she? Wait until you find out what she does and how much she costs!

Finder.com iBag2 – Horrifying, isn’t she? Wait until you find out what she does and how much she costs!

00:00 Now I’ve Heard Everything – iBag2
A rant about a new purse designed to prevent impulse spending. You won’t believe this contraption! Wait ’til you hear how much it costs! And LOOK, LOOK at the bag – doesn’t it look like she is smirking at us?!

08:53 Where I talk about why it just won’t work.

14:09 Where I tell the developers of this product how it should really work.

Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: September 21st: “Rewards”

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023: The Wells Fargo Bank Fraud & Reading: 9/12 “Humility with Numbers”

In this Episode

clarity100:00 The Wells Fargo Bank Fraud is Relevant to All Compulsive Spenders

I talk about this awful situation and why you MUST reconcile your bank account with your spending plan! And even if you don’t have a spending plan, why the least you need to do is check your accounts weekly. Plus, why I now advocate that you should ALWAYS open up mail from banks or credit card companies EVEN if it just looks like advertising or you are afraid it is a collection notice. (But if it’s an ad for a credit card – “recoil as from a hot flame” and shred it or burn it immediately! 🙂 )

21:47 Daily Reader for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders: September 12th: “Humility with Numbers”

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